I don’t know what to do, so I just keep moving. I don’t make any changes, because I don’t know what to change. I’m living in this cycle and the days are only getting longer. I’m writing because it’s better than jumping off my balcony head first, however, I don’t see that being any more painful. I can’t believe that never again will I hear the wisdom of your words, experience that one-of-a-kind charm, hold your hand, push your nose, call you by all your nicknames, watch black and white films with you, listen to your inappropriate jokes, and just have you there, at my reach. If I could see you one more time from a mile away, I’d take it. If I could phone you one more time just to hear you call me “Babaloo”, I’d sacrifice just for that moment. There are so many things that I want to ask you, that I want to show you, that I want to share with you, but never again will I be able to. This pain is so deep, this loss is so great. But I don’t know how to give up, I don’t want to give up, I need to get past the impossible. I was standing in the park with the dog, you always called him a “mangy mutt”, but you loved him. My eyes began to tear and as I felt the wind blow through the hole in my chest, I put my head in my hands. For a moment I could have sworn they were your hands, maybe they were. But that moment was only a moment, and it quickly faded just as you did. It hurts so much, it hurts so unbelievably much. I miss you and I will repeat that for the rest of my life. I love you and I will repeat that for the rest of my life. You’ve gone to see a man about a horse, and one day I hope to meet you at the stables, program in hand.